5 Ways To Raise Self-Motivated Kids Who Show Initiative And Are Go Getters

Inside:If you want to raise self-motivated kids it starts with promoting a growth mindset

It all started with her very first attempt.

We’d taken off her training wheels, given her lots of encouragement and instruction and then we let go….

Moments later – Crash! Down she went.

It really wasn’t much of a tumble.

The worst part was a small scrape, not even requiring a band-aid.

But she walked away, refusing to try again.

Ever since, we’d been doing all we could to get her back on her bike, but it didn’t seem to be making a difference.

It had been months.

Months of us trying to convince her to let us take the wheels off again, so she could join her neighborhood friends racing up and down the street.

Now, even her little brother had been whizzing by her on the cul de sac for weeks.

It was time.

We knew she had to face her fears.

She was crying before she even started.

I secured her helmet, adjusted her knee pads and smiled brightly as my hubs wheeled her down the driveway.

“But I don’t want to do this, I know I’m going to fall!”, she began saying over and over.

I didn’t understand why my daughter was so resistant.

She definitely was not content letting everyone race ahead of her. She had even taken to discouraging other kids in the neighborhood from riding their bikes.

She just seemed to totally lack the self-motivation to change her circumstances.

The more I considered it, she seemed to be lacking self-motivation in a number of areas.

This was about more than just riding a bike.

Have you noticed something similar with your child?

It’s not uncommon.

Psychologists note that children are naturally self motivated until around age 7. We’re all born with the motivation to learn to sit up, walk, run and talk.

But then things begin to change.

Those early instincts start to fade and our children need to begin to develop their own internal drive.

As parents we may notice a change in interests, schoolwork, enthusiasm for particular activities, etc.

Self motivation comes from within, but cultivating the right atmosphere in our homes can definitely impact and even encourage children in this area.

If you want to have kids that are resilient, take initiative and are go getters, then you’re looking to help your kids develop a Growth Mindset.

And yes, it is something that can be taught and nurtured in our kids.

The basic idea is that we need to help our children see mistakes and failures as opportunities for growth, instead of a fault in their abilities or overwhelming obstacles.

Our daughter was clearly struggling.

She was a perfectionist and many things came quite easily to her.

When faced with something that she didn’t immediately excel at, she felt insecure.

She saw falling off her bike as an immediate indication that she wasn’t good at riding a bike, but more importantly she interpreted that to mean she would NEVER be good at riding a bike.

We obviously knew this wasn’t true, but helping her embrace the reality that there were things in life she would have to work at and that would take time was another matter.

We had no choice but to help her learn the hard way.

So despite her protests and a few tears, we met her resistance with our own insistence.

“You can do this!” we reassured her over and over.

And then back on the bike she went.

After a few more spills, a box of princess band aids and half a dozen pep talks later, we had a bike rider!

This wasn’t the first time, and with four kids it’s been far from the last time, that we’ve had to give our kids a gentle nudge (okay or a big shove).

But just like with bike riding, at first they need us to hold them steady, point them in the right direction and give them a little push and then in no time they’re doing it all for themselves.

While not an exact science, here are 5 ways you can nurture a growth mindset and raise self-motivated kids.

5 Ways To Raise Self Motivated, Who Take Initiative And Are Go Getters

Cultivate Persistence

Encourage your child to work past challenges and persevere. Praising effort, and not just successful outcomes, goes a long way in this area.

Using the right vocabulary is key.

For example, phrases like “Keep trying”, “Hard work pays off” and “What did you learn from this?” are great mantras to instill in your child’s head.

Experts agree, kids who can continue with a task, despite it’s difficulty, have a much greater chance of succeeding in life versus those who abandon endeavors.

It’s also important to let your child know that learning something new can be a struggle for anyone, not a sign of weakness.

Children often equate struggle with being “less than”, that something not coming easily or naturally to them means they’re just not meant to do that thing. This can be a dangerous perspective for anyone and encouraging your kid to continue despite troubles is key to building persistence.

Not letting our daughter quit her goal of riding a bike demonstrated that hard work and persistence eventually pays off.

Offer Challenges

Once a child has mastered a skill, try adding another dimension to it.

For example, once our kids learned to swim, we added underwater diving games to our pool time.

They were challenged to retrieve coins from the bottom of the pool instead of just paddling along the surface.

By deepening{literally} their learning experience, we created a new challenge that allowed them to push themselves.

They used the confidence of previous mastery to build a new skill.

This is all about the process, not a timeline.

Two of my kids were retrieving coins after one session, another took a few weeks before she was bringing those treasures to the surface.

In those moments when she stopped trying we continued to offer encouragement, not pressure, and she eventually caught up to her sisters.

Teach Resilience

Failure is going to happen, it’s what you do after that failure that counts.

We all know those people who get knocked down in life over and over, but they never give up, and they often come back stronger than before.

This is resilience.

Teaching our children that effort doesn’t stop because they’re unsuccessful is one of the best things we can do as a parent to raise self-motivated kids.

However, that means we have to be willing to let them fail. We can’t always step in and save them.

Failure is an option, giving up is not.

Life can sometimes be stressful, and it doesn’t always go the way we planned.

Learning to cope with less than ideal life circumstances and finding ways to overcome them is a key part of raising kids with self-motivation.

My middle school son had a hard time learning to type; he disliked the drills and did poorly on them.

However, he was determined to receive an A in his business skills class. So, he kept repeating the drills until he scored higher.

His diligence paid off and he learned that fighting your way back to success isn’t easy but always worth it.

Model Optimism

We often hear that actions speak louder than words. But in some cases, our attitudes can say more than our actions where our kids are concerned.

By nature, I can be fairly sarcastic. While this is often amusing and fine around adults, I’m not always great at turning this off when it comes to my kids.

I will sometimes attempt to use sarcasm as a way to make light of something they are struggling with, but to them it mostly sounds judgmental or like I’m making fun of them.

We may be feeling uncomfortable about something our children are attempting. We may not even be sure they can reach a goal they’ve set.

But our kids will take their cues from us. They need us to show a convincing display of faith in them to help them find that faith in themselves.

In the weeks following her spill, I continually reminded our daughter that I knew she could master riding a bike.

I never told her it would be easy, only that I was confident that if she kept trying she would be joining her friends for evening bike rides in not time.

Ultimately, getting her on the bike to try again was purely our will making it happen. And honestly, we were scared to death that she was just stubborn enough to sabotage all our efforts.

But deep down, she had heard our words, knew that we believed in her and she really did want to ride that bike.

Encourage Interests

There are many things we have to do in life, and learning which things we actually enjoy doing is a wonderful thing.

Obviously, a specific interest in something often brings a side of self motivation along with it.

However, it doesn’t always come with immediate mastery and doesn’t mean our love for something will make us the best at it.

My middle daughter fell in love with ballet as soon as she was able to fit into her first pair of pink slippers. So, of course the first thing we did was sign her up for classes.

She looked forward to those classes every week, but as she got older, she became more aware that other girls in the class we’re stronger and could pick up new steps faster than she could.

She became discouraged and suddenly said she didn’t want to take ballet anymore.

We knew that her love for ballet had not gone away overnight, but her perfectionist tendencies (yes, they run in the family) were getting in the way of her simply allowing herself the pure joy she experienced when she danced, even if she wasn’t top in her class.

We told her she had to at least finish out the year and then we encouraged her to spend some time at home working on her stretching and practicing what they were learning in class. We even set -up a little practice area for her at home.

Her practice payed off and over time, she improved.

By the end of the year she could see her progress. Although she still wasn’t the prima ballerina, she was able to accept being less than perfect in exchange for just really loving to do something.

Rewards

It is impossible to talk about the topic of self-motivated kids without discussing rewards.

Rewards have earned a bad reputation, but they can be very effective used appropriately. Don’t think of them as bribes, but as incentives.

Rewarding a skill versus a norm is a distinction worth making in your child’s life.

For instance, when my kids learned to write and spell their full name, they received a brand new box of crayons. That was rewarding a skill, not a behavioral expectation.

When my first grader brings home a green smiley face on her behavior card from school each day, she’s not given a reward. She’s expected to behave appropriately, I offer encouragement or a compliment for her good choices that day and we move on.

Rewarding every positive thing your child does leads them to expect such treatment in all areas of their lives.

It also robs them of the opportunity to experience the feelings of internal satisfaction and accomplishment.

The feeling of a job well done is something to help your child embrace and value, something that can bring them lifelong fulfillment.

Learn More

Want to learn more about Growth-Mindset and Raising Self Motivated Kids? The concept was first identified in research by Dr. Carol Dweck and she wrote a book you can purchase by clicking here: Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.

Another great book that covers similar concepts is by Psychologist Angela Duckworth. You can get her book by clicking here: Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverence.

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