Is Your Child Ready for a Cell Phone?
The question is not if, BUT WHEN your child is going to be ready for her very own phone?
It’s inevitable. As we’ve talked about before, smart parents can no longer afford to keep their heads in the sand when it comes to technology and their children. Some parents rush into the decision before their children really are ready. While others wait out of fear, without considering that perhaps their child does have the maturity to handle the responsibility.
I have a 13 year old and she has not had a phone…until now.
I have purposefully kept away from the trend of arming pre-teens with phones. One, because I tend to swim against the current on “trends”, especially in parenting. Secondly, because I truly didn’t see the point. Even with an active family of 6, I failed to see how a mobile phone was going to enrich our lives or make me feel safer about my teen’s whereabouts. I knew my child’s location because I sanctioned it. If she was at school, a friend’s house, or another activity, there were arrangements in place for pick up and some form of communication readily available.
I’ve had many parents tell me that the main reason they given their child a phone, some as young as Kindergarten, was for safety purposes. The phone was a way to remain in constant communication with their child or maybe even track the child’s location. I think as parents we need to evaluate this need for constant communication. I feel like it stems from a fear of losing control(for the parent) and actually inhibits independence(for the child). I’m interested in what my kids are doing and we have multiple opportunities to connect outside of school. As far as safety, yes, I’m aware of the GPS tracking available on phones, but so is anyone else who may wish to harm my child. I’m fairly certain a criminal isn’t going to let your child hold onto their phone amidst a kidnapping.
However, I do think there are advantages to your child having a cell and for this generation, it is a right of passage. So how do you know if your child is ready? Here’s a list that will help you determine if now is the time for your family:
- Is the child responsible at home? Does she complete her chores without being reminded? Is her room in a satisfactory state a majority of the time? Does she care for the toys/technology/clothes she’s been given?
- Has the child demonstrated appropriate behavior with other technology at home? Is he following the rules for computer time and video game usage? Does he return games and controllers to the right place, not strewn about on the floor? Does he turn off the TV, games, etc. without arguing?
- Is she making her best effort in school? Is she respectful at home?
- Does he typically make good decisions even when not being watched? Does he understand a cell phone is a privilege, not a right?
- Does she accept responsibility when she makes a poor choice rather than blame others?
I don’t believe a magic age exists that means any child is ready for a cell phone. However, if you can comfortably answer the questions above, it may be time. If in doubt, I would err on the side of caution and reevaluate in a few months.
So, if now is the time to provide your child with a phone, you’ll want to read our post about Kids and Cell Phones to learn the guidelines suggested for actual cell phone usage.
Need help with other tween/teen tech issues? We’ve got several more posts that would be good to read:
Cell Phone Rules for Tweens and Teens (with printable contract)
Why My Kid Doesn’t Have Social Media
How To Have The Tech Talk With Tweens and Teens
At What Age Do You Think A Child Is Ready For A Cell Phone?
Emma says
My daughter was 12 when I gave her my old iPhone 4. She wanted to get on the bus and study at the library after school and I just wasn’t comfortable with that without a way to contact her. She only uses her phone for calling and texting family, listening to music and as an alarm clock. It works perfectly — for us. Every family needs to figure it out on their own.
Alexandria says
They seem to get them sooner and sooner these days than before. I got mine at the age of 15 because I was becoming more independent and my father wanted to be able to keep up with me. I really don’t see the need for them to have one until they are teenagers and are out driving or with friends who do drive. I use to be a nanny for two very privileged girls and from what I saw with them was that having a phone was more about having something to play on than to communicate with. But that’s what happens when our society is so technology based.
Alana (@ I have a Future and a Hope) says
We have a cell phone that works as a floater phone between my oldest 2 children. They only get access to this phone if they are going to be somewhere I am not sure I could easily get a hold of them if I needed to. There is no internet on this phone, and only certain contacts may call into or they can only call out to these contacts. They are on mature enough to have full internet yet. This has always been a no brainer for me though, but I understand some parents struggle with this, especially if they are from divorced homes, or different situations. It all depends on the children and their maturity level. Mine just aren’t there yet, they are 13 and 11.
Kira Lewis says
I think that sounds like a smart and reasonable approach. I do understand that we don’t always know a family’s situation or unique needs that may make a cell phone a necessity. However, I do think that parents need to ask themselves what their motivation is in supplying a child,especially one in middle school or younger, with an internet enabled phone.
Jane says
My children were 16 & 14 when they got their first cell phone. They only got a basic phone, no texting or data. The phone had to stay home when they went to school. After 2 years of good phone behavior, they were upgraded to texting. I tend to be like you and not raise my children based on the trends. They grow up so fast, they have the rest of their lives for technology, etc. There are so many more important aspects of life for them to experience at a young age.
Michelle Myers says
It is definitely difficult to swim against the tide with anything, especially parenting. I applaud you making a standard and adhering to it. My daughter has very similar rules, no wifi and only permitted to enter contacts we’ve approved.
Diana says
My daughter is 12 .we just had a 3 month trial with a cell phone and though she is very responsible and a great kid she was not ready for a phone .texting and Instagram caused enough friend drama that we decided to take away the phone until she was ready .we had prior to giving her the phone talked about rules and expectations ,wrote up a contract that she signed .
Her response when we took the phone away was ,”now I can be a littler as stressed “.
Wow!! It’s been a week now and I am seeing a fun loving not distracted child who is enjoying family time again 🙂
Michelle Myers says
I think you were so wise to call it quits when you saw it wasn’t working. Good job, Mama! My daughter is 13 and not permitted to have any social media(like IG) because I don’t think she’s ready to deal with it. I think it’s something to work up to.
Jamie says
My older 2 kids got their phones at age 12. So far it has worked out ok…of course my 9 year old wants me to make an exception for her…nope! 🙂 It is difficult when so many of their friends have phones in elementary school!
Michelle Myers says
It’s definitely more difficult to swim against the tide…..stay strong, Mama, you know what’s BEST for YOUR child! 🙂
Diane @ Vintage Zest says
Interesting thoughts! My mom was one of those who entrusted us with a credit card at age 12 – 13. She never hovered over our use, but gave us clear rules. It taught us not to overspend (and even if we did, it was maybe by $10), so we didn’t go crazy at 18, when others ended up ruining their credit with super pricy items. Still, I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t have had cell phones, even if they were available when I was in kindergarten!
Michelle Myers says
So great that your mom was intentional about teaching financial life skills! Parents need to do more of that!!!
Ashley says
Well, Thankfully my kids are still to young for a cell phone. But I will remember this for when the time comes!
Michelle Myers says
Thanks for stopping by and reading!
Sagan says
Good questions to ask! I think it’s also a matter of how the cell phone will be used… how restricted will it be, how much will it be monitored, etc. (which would likely also change depending on the child)
Michelle Myers says
Yes, definitely puts more responsibility on parents with monitoring, restrictions, etc. Thanks for stopping by!
lauryn hock says
My husband and I talk about this all the time– and we don’t even have kids. It is a big decision to make.
Christine says
Great ideas although I am happy my oldest is only 8 and won’t be asking for a phone at least not this year! I have thought about getting one of those watches that your child can call 5 people and i can check his whereabouts when he walks to his friends home. Thanks!
Theresa says
I love the points you mentioned here on how to determine if your child is ready for a cell. My 1st grader has already requested a cell because 2 of her friends have their own. I’m with you, I don’t think my kids will get a phone until they are in their teens. I know this will be hard given how many their friends will likely have a cell by the time they are 10.
Michelle Myers says
Stand strong, Mama! There really is no reasonable reason for 1st graders to tote phones!