Technology is a part of our culture and our families that is here to stay and I don’t think that is necessarily bad. When we set guidelines and boundaries within our families, as outlined in our Family Tech Rules Post, technology can have a lot of benefits. Yet, when we talk about technology, it goes beyond TV watching and video games. We must also consider social media for kids. Social media has proven to be an amazing resource for good in our world. I’ve seen social media unite and rally people around a cause or prayer need like nothing else. However, I also know there are many negatives to social media for kids; cases of bullying, inappropriate content and pictures and child predators.
Why My Kid Doesn’t Have Social Media
I have a variety of social media accounts and enjoy them for various reasons, but even I can struggle with some of the challenges social media presents. Like many moms, I can find myself playing the comparison game and feeling bad about myself when my life doesn’t look “Pinterest perfect”. Knowing how social media can undermine the confidence of many adults is why I’m surprised when I see young kids who have access to social media, and why I’ve decided I’m not allowing my 13 year old daughter to have any of them.
Social Media for Kids Recommendations and Laws
Honestly, social media really shouldn’t be a part of your kids life before the age of 13 no matter what. It is not only NOT recommended for children under that age to have social media accounts, it is in violation of many of the social sites policies and in some cases is technically breaking the law according to the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (AKA COPPA – if you would like to know more click HERE to go to the COPPA website)
Facebook’s terms and conditions actually state “You will not use Facebook if you are under 13.” Yet, despite this fact, more than 38% of kids on Facebook are under the age of 13. When a child creates a Facebook profile, they have to attest to the fact that they’re at least 13 years of age. So, if you have a child under the age of 13 who you have knowingly allowed to have a FB account, what you’re saying to your kid is that rules and even laws don’t matter. In your mind maybe it’s just a little thing, Facebook, I mean it’s not like you gave them alcohol or helped them cheat on school work, right? Wrong. Either we follow the rules or we don’t. Kids lack the ability to discern which are big rules and which are small ones and overall, we’re sending them the message that the rules don’t apply to them. If we’re concerned about an entitlement generation, here is where it starts.
Oh and if you’re wondering, let’s talk age limits for other social media. I’ve taken these directly from the terms of use for each of these social media sites:
PINTEREST – “Any use or access by anyone under the age of 13 is prohibited”
INSTAGRAM – “You must be at least 13 years old to use the Service”
TWITTER – They removed the directly stated age limit from their terms of service several years ago, however, it does say the following in their privacy policy: “Our Services are not directed to persons under 13.” and “We do not knowingly collect personal information from children under 13.”
YOUTUBE – “In order to create a YouTube account, we require users to confirm that they are at least 13 yrs old. Users who enter any age younger than 13 will be prohibited from creating YouTube accounts.”
Why Even Though She Is 13, I Still Said “NO” to Social Media for My Daughter
My daughter really wanted a Pinterest account. It seemed like the most harmless of the social media offerings, so I said I’d consider it and get back to her. The more I thought about it, the less inclined I was to let her open an account. Even if you’re not looking for it, a lot of inappropriate images can appear in your home feed. Plus, Pinterest began allowing advertising, which means there is even less monitoring of what content appears now.
I discussed Pinterest with some fellow tween/teen moms and a few stories that were shared helped in my decision making. One in particular was a friend who told me about her 12 year old daughter’s experience with Pinterest. The mom began to notice that her daughter would pin things and then check to see how many “likes” her pins received, or if her friends were repinning them. When there was little or no response, she would pin new things and again wait to see what others thought of them.
Before you get all judgmental and label it a problem unique to this girl, let me remind you, she’s 12. Do you remember 12? 12 is middle school. Middle school is a 3 year trial of insecurity, self doubt, rejection, hormones, emotions, and raw feelings. Everyone experiences self esteem issues, from the popular kids to the ones that just blend in with the crowd. My friend saw her daughter struggling with herself, with questioning her value in a new way and decided that Pinterest wasn’t something she was ready for, her daughter agreed with little complaint.
These early teen years are hard enough to navigate, as parents , why should we allow yet another platform for insecurity and doubt? I’m definitely not a parent that believes in keeping life lessons and natural consequences from my kids, but social media is another layer that doesn’t have to be included in their life during middle school and certainly not in elementary school. There is plenty of teasing and taunting that happens, plenty of questioning and rejection in real life that I’m not able to keep from her. My daughter’s life is full of enough input without free access to social media.
Yes, she grumbled at first, but honestly, I think she’s relieved when she can just tells her friends that her mean ol’ parents won’t let her have it. She gets to maintain her martyr image and my hubs and I don’t care if the kids think we’re uncool because we’re not in middle school anymore!
Raising School Age Kids Is Hard, Especially With Today’ Technology. Here Are Some Other Popular Posts Parents Found Helpful.
How To Set Meaningful Technology Rules For Your Family That Work
Tween and Teen Technology Contracts Printables Bundle
Parental Controls ; Managing Kids Technology
So what are your thoughts, is social media a part of your young child’s life?
Tina Lee says
Thank you so much for this article as I have frowned upon all aspects of social media. My DD is only 11 and social media has already created trouble for her and I want nothing to do with it until she’s at an age to understand such boundaries.
The Educational Tourist says
Easily none here at the moment because the oldest is only 11, but that time is quickly approaching. I’m not sure when the yes date will be, but I doubt seriously at 13. I’m with you on the middle school years being hard enough without social media! And then, whenever the time comes….I have full access.
Thanks for a great discussion.
Natalie, The Educational Tourist
http://www.theeducationaltourist.com
Tove Maren says
You raise very valid points – it’s not even allowed before 13 – something people ignore!
betty says
I. Agree. I have also observed someone that followed me was posting nothing but porn on their site. I reported it and blocked them, but the point is it should never have been there from the beginning. Children do not need to see that.
Melisa says
My daughter is 13 and she will not have any social media. She still loves playing with her dolls and reading books and I am perfectly fine with that. I feel like social media adds pressure a child does not need. Love this post! Thank you for sharing. 🙂
Tia says
My daughter is eight and she asked for her own Instagram account on her phone. I think it’s mainly because I’m an avid user of IG myself. I set her up with a private account (mine is also a private account) and only I can add/approve follow request. So she has 6 followers on her account, all family members. She only posts pictures she takes of her dolls and doesn’t use IG daily like me. Yes she is young but kids these days learn about technology at a very young age. This proper guidance I think it’s okay for them to use social media.
Jenn @ The Art of Better says
yes!! Our 11 y/o has desperately wanted an Instagram for the last year or so and we have given her a clear and concrete “no”. All her little friends have it and I think that’s crazy. She will not have any social media until she is at least sixteen. Even then, we will have full access at all times. Thanks for sharing!
Jenn @ The Art of Better says
Pinned, btw! 🙂
Kira Lewis says
Thanks!!!
Kira Lewis says
I know it’s hard as parents when we set limits that it seems a lot of parents do not. I honestly believe it is because so many just truly don’t understand the complexity of these apps and the risks. It’s a whole new world to so many and I actually just feel lucky that my career has forced me to be educated. It can be overwhelming!
Michelle Myers says
Thanks for stopping by, Jenn. Parenting is challenging and it’s definitely hard to swim upstream when everyone else seems to be content to flow with the current. I tell myself all the time, “Just keep swimming, not floating along”. 🙂
Bronwyn Joy says
Well we’ve taken a somewhat different tack. First of all, we firmly believe it’s our job to help our kids, from an early age, distinguish between rules which should be followed because they’re in place for a good reason, rules which can be ignored because they’re dumb (like, don’t drink water when you’re a breastfeeding mother feeling dehydrated on the train platform after having pushed a stroller with two kids in the heat and humidity for nearly a kilometre), and rules which should be actively protested against, because they’re abhorrent (like, black people can’t use public transport like white people).
But you’re right – kids are too young to make these decisions on their own, and there are a lot of downsides to online life. That’s why, when my son starting asking for his own blog and twitter account at six, we took the approach that we would introduce him to social media straight away, while he’s still young enough to be comfortable with full and direct supervision.
To be clear: HE DOES NOT HAVE HIS OWN SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNTS. But he uses these tools under our direct guidance (I created a twitter list for him on my account, he has a blog space under my account, etc). By the time he’s thirteen plus and starting to push for his own accounts I want to feel like he’s got a decent head start on how things work and how to avoid the pitfalls.
I wrote more here:
http://journeysofthefabulist.wordpress.com/2014/07/17/child-proof-computer-internet-ipad/
Shell says
Mine haven’t hit that age yet. They really want a youtube channel b/c they like to make videos. But I know they can easily access inappropriate videos and I don’t want them dealing with the comments that come with youtube.
My oldest is able to access a twitter account that he uses to be able to dm me if we are not together. But that’s all he does with it. My temporary solution until he has a phone and can text me.
Katherine G says
I totally agree. My daughter has Twitter and Instagram but the only people she follows is her dad and I. However she doesn’t have a smartphone so she can’t use it. Without using our phones. However it has been so long since she has used either so she doesn’t remember the passwords and we don’t bring them up. She doesn’t have Facebook at all. I don’t see her getting it anytime soon. She is 14.
Betty says
I had a problem with my kid using computer too much (gaming, social media). After a lot of fighting I took radical steps and blocked social media sites for him, using PcWebControl. There is plenty of parental control programs, which will help to block certain websites and dangerous content. I think it is essential to help our kids develop in the right way.
Sarah says
I don’t have any kids I am 21 but I do feel at 13 she should be allowed to start to express herself on social media. No matter where she is whether it me online or at school she is going to be exposed to certain things and it is better to be exposed under a parents watchful eye.
Reginia Cordell says
I’m not a mom yet but I don’t think I would allow my 13 year old to have an individual social media account. It’s too risky. It’s a risk at 17 as well. My former classmate had a terrible scare with her daughter and social media last month.
K. Elizabeth (YUMMommy) says
My kids are nowhere near old enough for any kind of social media accounts, but when they are I’ll definitely be monitoring them as well as continuing to monitor their internet usage. I definitely think some parents underestimate the trouble that kids can get into on the internet period. There’s cyberbullying, stokers, and then just having them exposed to media that can damage their self-image.
You have to be proactive and set ground rules/restrictions. Great post!
Tiffany says
Great Post! We didn’t allow any of our Teens to start their Social media Account until 16 and I didn’t even know about the rule. Even then I restricted the accounts and had acces at all times. My oldest is nearly 18 and I am still on all of his accounts. I told him I just want him to be completely safe. My younger Kiddies are all under 9 but I don’t think I will be changing my ‘not until your 16’ rule anytime soon.
Mikki says
Being a mom of girls in their 20’s, I am SOOO glad that a lot of this stuff didn’t become available till they were in their late teens. Even than they struggled with certain things.
If my girls were pre-teen now, they wouldn’t be on social media either.
Great post!
Stopping by via the Southern Girl Blogging FB page.
Skye says
I think any adoption of social media or phones for kids in our house is going to be really, really slow compared to many parents. There’s just so much else they could be doing that is more valuable at these ages.
Melissa Faye says
I am not a mom, but I agree with your stance on teens having social media accounts. I grew up without Facebook, Twitter, or Pinterest, and I turned out just fine ;). When I did create a Facebook account in college, I experienced a lot of unnecessary drama and even closed my account on occasion. I think social media brings about a lot of unnecessary drama, angst, and insecurity that our teens don’t need to experience at such a young age. Keep your child a child as long as you can! 🙂 Great post!
aimee fauci says
After already having raised a teen daughter through the Myspace years and the beginning of IM;ing.. my goal is not to allow my girls to have social media as long as possible.. even after 13.. THat ‘s when it is the worst! There are already adults out there that do not use SM responsibly .. can you imagine a teen on SM? I do.. however let me girls peruse through my pinterest for crafts and party ideas.
Nancy says
What an excellent post. Really is! Thank you for sharing 🙂
http://neatly-packaged.com/